Ending a relationship is never easy, and it can even be more difficult if there is still love involved. How much time is needed to heal and advice to do it, according to specialists
Overcoming a breakup is a big challenge, it takes time and requires a lot of patience. While it is important to recognize the fundamental problems that lead to it, focusing on oneself and personal needs can be an opportunity to invest in self-knowledge.
According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes about eleven weeks to feel better after ending a relationship. However, a separate study found that it takes about 18 months to heal from the end of a relationship.
“From a rupture, a succession of hypotheses and conjectures come into play in the minds of the protagonists: guilt, fear, and reproaches, are some of the feelings that trigger the loss in times of processing what happened or famous work of ‘duel’ “, explained to Infobae Cecilia Moia, psychoanalyst member of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association (APA) and expert in consultation of couples.
Anguish is a unique grieving process for each individual. Because love is a disordered emotion, and each relationship owns its own memories and feelings, the end of any relationship will be an unrepeatable experience.
Like any other wound, it heals over time, care and personal attention and a positive attitude. While reflecting on the relationship and emotions related to the break, personal knowledge grows as a result of the event.
While there are no two equal relationships, there are certain keys that all people suffering from anguish can implement to move forward
Cross the stages of mourning
For the expert Gabriela Rougier, a psychologist specialized in couples therapy, there is always a duel to be done at the moment when the physical and emotional bond with another person breaks down. Instead of trying to suppress feelings, feeling them is an integral part of the healing process.
Every duel has a meaning and leaves a learning. For experts, there is no way out of a relationship that ends without going through this painful situation. The challenge is to get a teaching of that relationship that failed.
“Many times the members of the couple cross it while the link of the relationship remains, and a wear is generated that sets them apart, and when one of the two makes the decision to end the relationship that process is already done,” Rougier explained.
“Duels make us sadder but they make us wiser”
“Through this time of necessary mourning, the protagonists discover that with the end of that relationship they also conclude stages of life, pain gives way to reflect on what happened,” Moia added.
Social networks as a constant reminder
Often limited exposure can help keep the mind away from pain. Therefore, blocking or not following a former partner in social networks could help you feel less sad.
“Sometimes, one spends a lot of time obsessed with what the other person in his life does and stagnates in a place that is very difficult to leave and prevents him from continuing on his way,” Rougier warned.
It is presented as the most “easy and quick” way to forget. However, for Moia, the other person can be blocked from any social network, but what is not worked from the mind returns from the most unexpected place, fundamentally from within oneself.
Others, however, need as part of that duel observe and be aware of how the other remakes his life to break away and forget a relationship. “Even though it hurts, they need to see it in order to move forward,” explained the couples therapy specialist.
Reconnect with yourself
In many relationships, the protagonists think and act together instead of paying attention to the needs of each one as individual beings. But the end of a relationship offers a unique opportunity to take a personal balance and make decisions for oneself.
A new hobby, meetings with friends or leisure time fully exploited are some of the activities that increase well-being. Finding a new talent or taking a vacation will help improve the mood after a breakup.
Instead of rushing to find a new relationship, experts recommend taking the time to focus on the relationship with oneself. This special attention to the personal needs will mean an improvement in the self-esteem that could be affected by a break.
Communication is key, as long as the established limits are respected
Speaking to express feelings and emotions always helps, but setting limits with friends and family about what to discuss avoids stirring up memories. While it is possible that the protagonists are prepared to talk about what happened, they may not feel completely comfortable listening to what others have to say about their relationship or ex-partner.
Communicating through emotions can be beneficial and, often, external perspective is useful. However, the protagonists can be exposed to public opinion and to the disappointment of others that end with their tranquility.
While during a break, and in the time that follows, depending on your support system is key to moving forward, it is neither necessary nor appropriate to speak uniquely and repeatedly about the same issue.
Time heals all
As time passes, the feelings of pain and nostalgia diminish, the reminders of the relationship cease to be so painful and one day, either after a few months or a year, thinking about that person will not cause the same feelings of sadness and pain.
Although the necessary time is relative to each relationship, it is important to overcome these negative feelings at the time that each one believes necessary, regardless of what it means to ignore the typical lines to deal with sadness and anguish.
If negative feelings do not heal over time, it may be beneficial to seek professional help to come to terms with these emotions. Negative or painful thoughts can be harmful to oneself and to future relationships. Going back to a positive mindset is crucial.